Sunday, December 13, 2015

Here's What It's Like When Mental Illness Affects A Relationship

We're told that love conquers all. But sometimes antidepressants help, too.

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Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed Life

One afternoon, two and a half years ago — 10 months before our wedding — my now-husband and I stood in our kitchen in Houston, arguing about chores. Again.

"Why do we keep having this argument? Why did I keep asking you to do things, and you agree to do them, and then you just...don't do them?" I said, like I had said so many times before. He apologized, like he had so many times before. And then he said, so sadly, "It's just...getting through my day is so overwhelming, I just don't have the energy to do anything else."

There was something about the way he said it that left me feeling like I'd stepped into a commercial for antidepressants. "Oh," I said. "I think I know what's going on."

But despite the many therapy sessions and doctors and prescriptions and really good days since that lightbulb moment, there are still a lot of days when I feel like I don't know what's going on.

The ways in which mental illness can affect intimate relationships often go against the cultural narrative about what a "good" or "happy" marriage looks like. We're told that a "good" husband or wife is thoughtful, attentive, generous, social, and sexual. And if a partner isn't one of those things, it's because one of you isn't good enough, or doesn't love the other enough. We're always told that love conquers all. But sometimes antidepressants help, too.

Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed Life


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