It can really be that simple.
Charlotte Gomez / Jon Premosch / BuzzFeed
I am also, today, the healthiest and happiest I've ever been. This is because four years ago was the last time I engaged in any of the many eating disorder behaviors I'd developed from the ages of 15 to 26. I spent those eleven years obsessing over my eating and my body, in cycles of dieting, then restricting, then binging, then purging. I was never, ever at the weight I wanted to be, and the weight I wanted to be seemed to promise so much: Carefree living! No problems whatsoever! Success in work and relationships! If only I could just lose, like, five more pounds!
1. Whenever I reached a goal weight, I quickly discovered I still hated my body, and decided I just needed to adjust the goal number.
2. It wasn't until I stopped fixating on an impossibly low goal weight (and started gaining weight) that I found myself in a relationship, job, and life that I love. Am I saying everyone needs to gain weight to achieve their dreams? Well, no. But you know what does help? Eating, and opening up space in your brain to think about other things.
It turns out a lifelong belief in the idea that thinness = beauty = happiness is a tough one to kick.
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